Today I am trying to finish the novel Dracula so that I can post a review about it later on not only in the Hoots section but also the 'Kids Corner'. I am planning on using a new way of teaching my students from next Monday after they return from their vacation. It is going to involve a lot of sweat on my part, but I am willing to try anything that is new & yet logical for our portion. I want to see my children reaching their optimal level so that it will help them in the future.
Strange is that at times I feel more at home & at peace when I am teaching than anywhere else. I am myself with my students which some how I can't be when I am with anyone else, especially people my age or older. Mother says I am not grown up & still a child in the mind as well as at heart. I try really hard, I really do, but I know that whatever I do, that 'kid' in me will always rule my life till the very end & I don't have the heart to end its life. I will never grow up, I am aware of that fact but I want to live & thats a bigger fact. No matter what, I want to live & change the world.....big dreams....small mind.....but lots of hope.
Very melancholic today, I always get melancholic when a Saturday comes. I prefer weekdays, they are more active & there is no lazy spell about the house which makes one to just go right back to sleep. The students are resuming from Monday so that is a silent blessing but the sad part is that it will leave me with very little time to read during the day. I will have to make up for it at night. I love reading at night, I find the darkness very inspirational & the screeching of the bats quite comforting in a way. Even the howling of a stray dog does not bother me but at times, acts as a lullaby to put me to sleep.
It was not such a great day for me today, infact it can be recorded as one of my worst. Sure my book is selling good & literature & history are still my best friends but....you know somethings are just better left unsaid, undone & you know....just incomplete. There is something incomplete in me, something really deep & I can't understand what it is. Songs just flit by me & the door to my soul is always open, for whom ? for what ? I can't comprehend.
I remember once I was playing with my father in his sister's house when we got hold of a coin. I was not even seven years old then but yet I can clearly remember that coin being spun all around me by my father. He knew I loved spinning coins & tops, I wonder how for he really never stayed with me. That day after I finished laughing with glee like crazy, clapping my hands to each time he would spin the coin....father then took the coin & put it into my tiny hands & told me to spin it.
" I can't spin Papa", I said immediately rubbing the coin with my thumb & index finger.
"You can do it beta, just try it", said father in his usual pleasant voice which sounds like a soft violen.
"You will do it better than me Papa", I insisted with a special smile I have always reserved only for him. It was then that he said the most saddest sentence in the whole world that made my little heart bleed....it bleeds till this day.
"I won't always be there to spin the coin for you beta...you see, I am a very weak man & I have been a very bad father so your mother won't allow me to see that often, so please beta..learn to spin the coin so that you may bring yourself happiness."
After choking with emotion, I spinned the coin with all my might...it span round & round until it stopped at my fathers feet. He then clapped & kissed me on my check.
"You will never leave me Papa, will you ?" I asked tears running down my face.
"Never Fiza Beta, never."
"And you promise we will stay together with mama forever & ever & ever."
"Yes Fiza Beta".
"And I will always love you forever & ever & ever".
"Yes Fiza Beta, I love you too."
From that day onwards I kept on spinning my coin of dreams which have turned themselves into words of joy, love, happines & satisfaction.